Now there’s a bold title for a blog post. The first consideration may be “is it possible to ‘create’ confident children with high self esteem?” If your child lacks these qualities there may be a number of reasons but, for this article, I am mostly looking at how the way you behave and talk to your child can help.
As a hypnotherapist, I see both adults and children in my practice. When dealing with adults with such issues, very often the beginning of the issue they come to me for (eg lack of confidence) started as a child. This is the reason why I am focussing on how you can help your child to be confident. The first 6 years of life are very important in the belief system that we form and continue to develop and enhance through into adulthood.
Some beliefs may be:
- “I’m not good enough”
- “I’m stupid”
- “I’m ugly”
- “I must be perfect to be loved”
- “I’m flawed”
- “I’m bad”
Here are a few areas worth considering:-
We develop greatly through watching and copying others. Very unconsciously a child will learn behaviour from their parents, grandparents, siblings, friends and teachers. These are usually the people that play the largest roles in their early years. If a parent is showing worry or anxiety then there is a possibility that the child will develop that same behaviour through ‘learning it’.
As a parent it helps your child for you to show confidence in your actions and behaviour.
“Don’t Fall Over”
How often do we hear this and then you fall over or “don’t drop that” then you drop it. The subconscious mind doesn’t recognise “don’t” so what you get is “fall over” or “drop that‘. I recently saw a very anxious boy in my studio and as he was leaving his mother said “be careful, don’t fall down the stairs”. If you are expressing concern all the time, trying too hard to keep your child safe, they will believe they can’t do simple tasks and start to worry about their own ability to do those tasks.
You Can’t Live Their Life For Them
We so want to protect our children but at some point your children will be adults and have to fend for themselves. If they don’t have the occasional bump, bruise, mishap along the way, how are they going to learn the skills to deal with life as it becomes more tricky and they become more independent. Recognise, as hard as it is, that your child will experience life’s ups and downs and that is ok. Of course be there for them, guide and help them but don’t do everything for them or try to over protect them because they won’t have the resources to deal with situations as they grow and they do very much need to develop their own coping mechanisms and resources.
Tell Them They Can
Praise your child for their efforts. Don’t let your limited mindset stop them achieving their desires. People all over the world exceed expectations and some (if not all) of the most successful people in the world have failed at some point in their life. Failure is just a perception – look on it as a stepping stone to success. Failure is a sign that you are pushing your limits.
Guide your child in a positive manner. Let them try and, if it doesn’t work out, let them know that’s ok too. There are also often more than one way to achieve success.
Don’t tell them what they’ve done isn’t good enough if they have given it their best shot.
- “That’s great.”
- “You are gorgeous.”
- “Wow, that’s amazing.”
- “I’m proud of you.”
These are important phrases to hear.
They Are An Individual
They are not their siblings, their father or their mother; they are an individual and I strongly believe we all have qualities that can be nurtured. Help your child find their qualities and focus on those and how they can nurture those qualities. We can’t all be the intellectual one, the sporty one, the musical or creative one but there is greatness in everyone no matter what challenges they face in life.
If you would like to find out more about how I can help you or your child please get in touch.
ANN BOWDITCH is a member and trainer registered on the General Hypnotherapy Register and has run her own private practice in Guernsey for 6 years. She is also a practitioner of a number of therapies including EFT, EmoTrance, META Health, NES Health, Matrix Reimprinting, Colour Mirrors. Ann is also a RMTi Consultant – the only one in the Channel islands. She uses her skills to help people overcome many issues including depression, health, stress, weight loss, cravings, addictions, anxiety, insomnia, bullying and confidence issues. Ann works in a unique way often by combining therapies tailoring sessions specifically for the individual.
If you wish to find out how Ann can help you please contact her here.
Ann Bowditch GQHP, GHR Reg., META-P
Dip (Hyp) Hypnotherapy
EFT (AAMET Certified) & Matrix Reimprinting Practitioner
Meta-Health & Colour Mirrors Practitioner
RMTi Consultant, NES Health Practitioner
PSTEC Level 1-A (Advanced PSTEC)
Tel: 07781 111186
Ann Bowditch is a Member & Trainer registered on the General Hypnotherapy Register