Bullying is not just something that happens in schools and with children. Bullying happens in the workplace, in social groups, on the internet, in sport and other activities. Many of us have been bullied at some point in our lives.
There are many behaviours that constitute bullying. Here are some that come to mind:
- Ignoring the person being bullied.
- Being condescending to them.
- Gossiping about them.
- Trying to get others on your side to gang up against them.
- Physical abuse.
- Calling them names.
- Using social media to have a dig at them.
- Laughing because they are different to you.
- Being condescending about their chosen hobbies.
- Picking on them because they aren’t wearing the ‘right’ clothes or shoes, have the latest phone or laptop etc.
- Picking fault in them for being too tall, small, fat, thin or having the wrong colour hair.
- Laughing at their disabilities.
The list could go on.
What behaviour do you notice in yourself that may constitute bullying?
The Scars that Bullying Leave
Bullying can leave deep deep scars. It can put people into depression, cause them to be anxious, to develop eating disorders, addictions, a lack of confidence and self esteem and, in some cases, cause someone to be suicidal. You may not have any idea what your bullying is doing to someone and the deep scars that they will carry with them for life.
So I ask anyone that does bully – do you really want to be at the root of someone committing suicide, how would you feel if your name was in their suicide note as the person they could not face any longer? Would you lose any sleep over that?
Type of Bully and Resolutions
I think there are different reasons people bully for and different types of bullies:
‘The Abused Bully’ – sometimes the abused (person being bullied) becomes the abuser (a bully) in an effort to protect themselves. They learn the behaviour from the bully and then copy that behaviour. The bullying behaviour may be a cry for help. This person has emotional issues of their own, they are small inside and need the bullying to feel big. This person would benefit from therapy in order to release whatever it is that has happened to them in the past or currently happening.
‘Sheep Bullies’ – the weakest kind of bully who just do what others do. Followers because they are too weak to disagree with the bully and their gang. Be strong enough to say “this is wrong” or at the very least not get involved. Someone in authority needs to point out what is happening and that the sheep bullies are being weak. Depending on the situation, talking to them individually may be a good way to get them to see the error of their ways.
‘Cry For Help Bully’ – this is someone who is desperately unhappy and / or disempowered and, in an attempt to feel better themselves, they make someone else feel bad about themselves. This can be down to so many reasons such as parents splitting, a sibling getting more attention, not feeling good enough or some other disruption in their life. The joy is short lived so they keep doing it as they need to feel that empowerment again. Similar to the abused bully, this person would benefit from therapy to release what is happening to make them feel this way.
‘The Unaware Bully’ – this is someone who does not recognise that their behaviour is bullying and the best way to deal with this person is to raise it with them because they may well be oblivious to this. It may be that they have a short fuse and/or lack of patience and would be horrified to know they are considered a bully. Have a quiet chat with this person when they are in a calm mood, explain how you feel, as I said they may well be shocked.
Being a bully is often a cry for help – it is not impressive and it’s certainly not big. If you are unhappy in life talk to someone – a teacher, a friend, a colleague but really do not be the one that makes someone else’s life a misery BECAUSE at some point in your life you may well regret your behaviour but the damage will be done then and the consequences could be more than you are able to take yourself.
If you have been a bully – thank you for reading this. I hope you will make positive changes. I know bullies are not bad people – they are people who need to be listened to and have not truly considered the possible horrendous outcome of their behaviour.
To anyone that has been bullied – please speak to someone about it – do not let it continue. Do not be a victim.
Ann’s practice is well established in Guernsey. ANN BOWDITCH is a member and trainer registered on the General Hypnotherapy Register. She is also a practitioner of a number of therapies including EFT, EmoTrance, META Health, Matrix Reimprinting, Colour Mirrors. She uses her skills to help people overcome many issues including health, stress, weight loss, cravings, addictions, anxiety, depression, insomnia, bullying and confidence issues. Ann works in a unique way often by combining therapies tailoring sessions specifically for you.
If you wish to find out how Ann can help you please contact her here.
Ann Bowditch GQHP, GHR Reg., META-P
Dip (Hyp) Hypnotherapy
EFT (AAMET Certified) & Matrix Reimprinting Practitioner
Meta-Health & Colour Mirrors Practitioner
PSTEC Level 1-A (Advanced PSTEC)
Tel: 07781 111186
Ann Bowditch is a Member & Trainer registered on the General Hypnotherapy Register